Group 42-Sells Out! - The Information Archive

home *** CD-ROM | disk | FTP | other *** search

/ Group 42-Sells Out! - The Information Archive / Group 42 Sells Out (Group 42) (1996).iso / anarchy / hacklib.txt < prev next >

Wrap

Text File | 1995-11-30 | 14KB | 261 lines

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& & & & Cheating the Library & & & & by vINCE nIEL & & & &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& Since I have been employed part-time at a Library for many years, I thought I would enlighten the masses on how to get away with hell at your local public library. First thing is first. Librarians are not some gods who's sole purpose in life is to make your life hell. They do they same things you do <except the thing with the hamsters ;)>, and are not out to steal you money. They give, and they take. But, if you play them right, all you will be doing is taking! An important factor is where you are actually trying these things. if it is a huge library (i.e. Boston), they will be less likely to put up with your shit than a small suburban library would. But there is an adv- antage to big libraries; there is more room for books to get lost ;) When- ever you are speaking to a Librarian, make sure you look stereo-typically respectable. You know what I mean. If you come in with spiked green hair, your nostril pierced, and a dead hamster hanging from your pants, it is highly unlikely they will believe the shit you are trying to pull! Give off "2.5 kids, home in the suburbs, everything's peachy-keen" vibes. Make it sound like you are an honest man, earning an honest buck, and you just don't want to be screwed by a clerical error. Always speak with respect. Do not insult the employees, or undermine the staff's intelligence. Librarians have feelings too ;) Carry a tone like "you guys MIGHT OF made a mistake and could you please check on it for me." But for god's sake, be assertive!! Don't be a pussy. Don't waver, don't stutter. There is a fine line between being assertive and being an asshole; whatever you do, do not cross it! Librarians sit behind their stuffy desks all day earning low wages. They are pissed, and wish they had a real job. If they have a chance to interact with something human, it would make their day. So be sociable with the librarian. Talk about the weather, or whatever comes to mind. Make them think of you as a person when you come in, not some clone who is turning in books. Its all part of the human psyche. It is a lot harder to turn down/argue with a 3 dimensional person than it is with a 2 dimensional. When you come to discuss your "problem", make sure that it is a teenager or someone who works their part time that you talk to. Someone who looks like the don't give a fat fuck if all the books burn in hell, and are just their to make a buck. They don't care if a book is missing, and are probably going to do what you ask them because it would be too much of a "bother" to look something up or ask a superior. One final note. The more and more you use these methods, the faster they are going to ware out. Nobody's that stupid to fall for the same trick with the same person 10 times. If you are ever stuck in a jam, these work though. ((( Now to the good stuff... A very simple thing you can do is just walk out with the book! Although large libraries might have security systems with electronic alarms on each book, small, cozy, suburban, libraries trust the masses. What shmucks! Just casually stick it in your backpack. This way, you don't have to worry about returning it ;) If you have any morals <you wouldn't be reading this file>, return the book when you are finished with it, or, just keep it! Who will know. Nobody's going to notice one book missing! If you find a book that has been lying around in your house for ages, and you do not want to pay the $100,000 overdue fine, you can always write in, in pen, a date after the stamped date. Tell the librarian that when you were there, the stamp was not working and an employee wrote the due date in with pen. When she checks it on the computer, and says that the book is 2 months over due, act surprised and bewildered! This is where looking good comes in. If you look "trustable", the librarian will believe you. If you look like a lying thief, your chances of succeeding are quite slim. Remember, when you are pulling this stunt, you are literally saying "you guys screwed up". Nobody likes to be stood up and made a fool. Act nice and pretend like you forgive them ;) If you drop a book in the book-drop, you obviously cannot pay the fine you owe. You will be confronted with the fine the next time you take out a book. When you are confronted with the fine, protest that you paid that fine. They cannot prove you did not. Make up an intricate story describing who you paid it to (make sure you know the appearance of a librarian that is NOT working there tonight), and that you refuse to pay it again. They will eventually give in. if you have a book that is extremely overdue, come into the library without returning it. then drop it in a place which is not obvious, but that the librarian will be sure to spot. Librarians, among other people, put all their trust in the computers. If they fail, the whole library is screwed. So when an unsuspecting librarian finds a book that has been out for 8 months just lying around (while you at the same time have been protesting that you did not take it out), she will just be glad that it is in her hands. She will just assume that when the computer checked in the book, it skipped the bar-code. This does happened often. ¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿ One thing I want to say before I go on. In this t-file, I keep on referring to the librarian as "she". True, most librarians are females. But male librarians are not homosexuals! ;) I do not know where people get these misconceptions. Its ok for a female to be a librarian, but when a man works there - oh my god! They think we go "spank" each other during the lunch break". Jesus! ¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿ Computer systems are not reliable, and do often (as the users of Stacker know), crash. The library's computers do the same. The system is backed-up every 3 days, so if the system crashes, all the books that have been returned in the past three days record has been erased. The library needs help, so it usually puts up a sign, "Our system has crashed, if you returned a book in the past three days, please see the front desk." You cannot get stupider than that! Come up to the front desk (looking good) and say you cleaned out your house a couple of days ago and returned all your overdue books yesterday. Remember to look honest. They have no choice to believe you, all their data is gone. A small note. If you do take out books quite often (and have them overdue most of the time), it would be quite wise to purchase a date stamper. Stamp the date you are returning the book on the inside sleeve. How can someone argue with an "authentic library stamp?" Who gives a shit what the computer says. ∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞ Cardinal Rule of the Library: If any mistake occurs, blame it on the computer. It always fails, it always crashes. We are sensible humans. We cannot make a mistake. A excuse that everyone uses is "I did not take this book out!" The Generic rebuttal is "check at home". After you do, tell the librarian that you just don't have the fucking book, and she can go rotate. Intricate stories are a must here. Go off on a tangent 'bout how the kids were sick, and you had to go to grandmas, and this and that. Conclude it with, "so there is now way in HELL I could of taken that book out on that day." If they still don't believe you say, "do you want me to bring witnesses?" You may think you are hot shit, but this is not a major ballsy move cause only Conan the Librarian would actually take you up on the bluff ;) When you bring back a book to the library, it is first scanned through the computer. Then it is put in a big pile of books which will be distributed by an employee to the book's proper place. A lot of the times, the library lets patrons access that pile. It is more convenient for them. The more books people take out, the less they will have to put away. So what you do is bring a book that has been overdue for ages, and inconspicuously slip it into the "to be shelved" pile. In a week, come back (the pile should have been shelved by then). Protest that you never even heard of that book in question, and never took it out. They say, "check at home, but we will check on the shelves ourselves." And they find the book on the shelf, who's fault is it? The computer! Blame it on the computer, it cannot defend itself ;) Better yet, if you have half a brain, you might even know the order that books are shelved. So you can put it on the shelf yourself! Just make sure that you put it in the right place, or the librarian won't be able to find it later when you ask her to "check". I have been mentioning over and over that you have to look good, and sweet talk when you are dealing with the faculty. Here are two examples of the wrong way, and the right way of returning books. First the right way: You: Hi! Boy its chilly outside! The weather man said we're going to have snow coming tonight. I hate the snow. With the kids wanting me to sled with them, and my bad back, I just don't know what to do ;) Oh, I'd would like to check these out if it would not be a bother. <You must understand that librarians sit behind that fucking desk all day, and are desperate for conversation> L: Nice to see you too. <talks about the weather> It seems you have The Joy of Sex out <sniker>. You have had this book for over three months and I cannot let you take out any books until you return that one, sorry. You: Huh? I would never take that book out!! The joy of sex? Look at these books I am taking out! "How to be a monk." "Abstinence: The Only Way". What would I need a book like "joy of sex" for? <laugh, don't sound angry!> I would be to shy to even take that book out <laugh again>! L: <talks about shyness) You: When was that book taken out? L: July 25, 1992 You: There, that proves it, I was with the family visiting my parents then! I couldn't of taken that book out! You know how parents are <blabber like a fool>... L: Maybe you should check at home? You: I will but I assure you that there is no possibility of me taking that book out. If you want, I can bring my children, Bob and Judy can come in and they will tell you when we went on our vacation and what fun we had! L: Oh its quite alright. Please check at home, and if you do not find it please call us and we will clear you charges. You: Thank you. You have been very helpful. Now the wrong way... <the librarian just told you that you cannot take out books cause of overdue fines> You: What the hell are you talking about? You shitheads always screw me! I never had that book you fucking cunt. Never, Never, Never! And I refuse to pay for it! Sue me. Get the bill collectors after me, I am not paying for something that I did not take out, bitch! You get the point. The main thing is not to be angry and/or insulting. be nice, yet assertive and persuasive. We do not like to someone give as a hard time. Now if you are too damn lazy to even leave your house, you can fuck with the library from the privacy of your own home. All the libraries in a region are connected through a computer system. This is used for (among other things) so one library can borrow a book that the other library has. And what do you need to connect computer systems that cannot be connected with a LAN? A MODEM!! There computer systems are not complicated. There are a series of commands like: 1. Make a New Card 2. Check in 3. Check Out 4. Pay for Charges 5. Request a Book 6. Show Overdue Books ... among other things. All of these are guarded by one password. One, that is all. If you can figure out the password, you are home free. Does a library actually expect someone to hack them? Does a library actually know the definition of hack? Probably not! The probably left the default password which is probably "password" or "shell". Getting the phone number is a different matter altogether. You think this cannot be done? A couple of weeks ago, we received a warning. It said that a teenage boy had hacked into the computer system. He had erased many recorded books, and made over 50 library cards for him and his friends. One of his friends worked at the library (probably how he got the phone number), and gave him the key to a library in the area. The memo further went on to state that they boy is hiding out in the basement of a regional library, so watch out ;) True story. Library cards have codes, PIN (Personal Identification Numbers). When you PIN is rung up, your name, phone number, and so on are also rung up. If you forget you library card, most libraries will let you tell them your name so they can ring up your card. First, make sure you are not well known in the library. Then take out books on whoever's name you wish. Just say, "my name is Joe Blow and I forgot my card, can you look up my name?" This is a great way to get back at someone, and a lot better than ordering 100 pizza's to their house. Just take out "Man and Impotence" under their name, and they will have fun explaining that they never took out that book <hehe>. So now you have a perspective of the library from the other side of the check-out desk. If you retain anything from this file, just remember to not be insulting. If you start acting like an asshole, you will be treated like an asshole. Its as simple as that.